Lately, I’ve been asking myself a question I never thought I would seriously ask:
“Am I being a narcissist?” 🤔
Not because someone officially called me one. Not because I took some random personality quiz online. But because I’ve started paying more attention to myself—my reactions, my relationships, the way I communicate, and especially the way I respond when things don’t go the way I want them to. 🫣
And honestly, some of the things I’ve noticed have made me uncomfortable.
Sometimes I want to be understood so badly that I forget to understand the other person. Sometimes I get defensive when someone points out something I did wrong. Sometimes I want attention, reassurance, or validation more than I’d like to admit. Sometimes I make things about how I feel without realizing that the other person might be hurting too. 🥲
Sometimes I replay conversations in my head and wonder:
“Was I actually hurt, or was I just upset because I didn’t get my way?”
“Was I setting a boundary, or was I trying to control the situation?”
“Was I protecting myself, or was I refusing to take accountability?”
And those questions are not always easy to answer. 🪞
But maybe that’s the point.
I think there’s a difference between having narcissistic traits and being a narcissist. We can all be selfish sometimes. We can all crave validation. We can all become defensive, jealous, insecure, or self-centered. We can all have moments where our ego gets louder than our empathy.
Being human doesn’t make us perfect. ❤️
What matters is what we do when we recognize those parts of ourselves.
Do we deny them?
Do we blame everyone else?
Or do we sit with the uncomfortable truth and ask ourselves, “What can I do differently next time?” 🌱
The part that scares me the most is realizing that I might have hurt someone without even realizing it. 💔
Because when you’re focused on your intentions, it’s easy to forget that someone else experienced your actions differently.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you” doesn’t automatically mean “I didn’t hurt you.”
Intentions matter, but impact matters too. 🥀
And maybe growing up means learning to hold both truths at the same time.
Maybe I can have good intentions and still make mistakes.
Maybe I can love someone and still hurt them.
Maybe I can be a good person and still have things about myself that I need to work on.
And admitting that doesn’t make me a bad person. It makes me self-aware. 🫶
I don’t want to be someone who only apologizes when I’m caught. I don’t want to listen just to prepare my response. I don’t want to turn every disagreement into a competition about who is more hurt. I don’t want to make someone feel guilty simply because they expressed how my actions affected them. 🫂
I want to learn how to say:
“I was wrong.”
Without immediately explaining myself. 🤍
“I hurt you.”
Without making your pain about my guilt. 💭
“I understand why you feel that way.”
Without needing to agree with everything. 🫶
“I’m going to work on this.”
And actually mean it. 🌱
I’m realizing that self-awareness isn’t about constantly questioning whether I’m a good or bad person.
It’s about being honest enough to notice when I’m not being the person I want to be—and having the courage to change. 🌿✨
Maybe healing isn’t always about discovering that everyone else was wrong.
Sometimes healing is realizing where we were wrong too.
And honestly, that’s a much harder thing to accept.
But maybe that’s where real growth begins. 🌙
So, am I being a narcissist? 🤷🏻♀️
I don’t know.
Maybe sometimes I am self-centered. Maybe sometimes my ego gets in the way. Maybe sometimes I need more validation than I should.
But I also know that I don’t want to stay that way.
I want to keep learning.
I want to become better at listening.
I want to take accountability without destroying myself with guilt.
I want to love people without making everything about me.
And most importantly, I want to become someone who can look at their own flaws without immediately running away from them. 🪞🤍
Because maybe the goal isn’t to become someone who never makes mistakes.
Maybe the goal is to become someone who can look in the mirror and say:
“I see the parts of myself I need to work on—and I’m willing to do the work.” 🌱✨
And maybe that’s enough for today. 🤍
— Sisam 🫶
“The goal isn’t to become someone who never makes mistakes. It’s to become someone who is willing to recognize them.” 🪞✨